David Lynch Films: The Undisputed Rankings

People of the Face: In the midst of quarantine, a gentleman's mind turns to David Lynch, America's greatest independent film maker / weird painter of rotting meat. Below is my undisputed ranking of David Lynch films.

1. Mullholland Drive - I look at this movie as the apotheosis of all Lynch films that came before, synthesized into a nearly perfect gestalt. Is gestalt a word? Oh, crap am I becoming a Joe Rogan pseudo-intellectual? A bit of the Eraserhead abstract existential terror, the thematic coherence and barely hidden corruption beneath the American dream of Blue Velvet, the fractured reality of Lost Highway, the puzzle box aspect of seasons 1,2 Twin Peaks, a hammy Sting in a loincloth. The cowboy. A few of the scariest scenes I've ever seen on film. Don't go behind that dumpster, friends. Club Silencio. This movie is an all-timer, and if you want to shoehorn the images into a coherent narrative, it totally works that way too!

2. Blue Velvet - Rented this movie on VHS tape from Bohn's hardware in downtown Mount Airy, MD, which is the right way to see it the first time. Did I walk around screaming Dennis Hopper's lines at college parties? Maybe, I was very popular. Kyle Maclachlan begins his incredible journey as David Lynch surrogate, the Hardy Boy with a hankering for sado-maschosim. Sets the table for Twin Peaks, one of the most innovative and influential series in the history of TV.

3. Eraserhead - Insidious Kafkaesque imagery. Not really a pick-me-up, I'd say, but will stick with you like a unsettling leech of mystery. The menace in the sound mixing, eventually brought to Twin Peaks, did anyone do that before Lynch?

4. Inland Empire - Every Lynch movie contains existential horror, but this one may be the peak Lynch existential horror flick. Also contains a sitcom of people in rabbit suits? And Laura Dern screaming her head off. Do not watch late at night.

5. Lost Highway - Now feels like a dry run for the structure of Mulholland Drive. Sexy sax player Bill Pullman! whose personality literally fractures the film under the weight of his actions. Patricia Arquette is unforgettable as muse/victim/unstoppable force...to me, anyway, cause I haven't forgotten her and I haven't seen it since it came out.

6. Wild at Heart - Remember back when Nicholas Cage was gonna be the best actor of his generation? Moonstruck, Leaving Las Vegas, Raising Arizona, and this crazy smashed glass version of the Wizard of Oz. Willem Dafoe, the man who played jesus in two movies just before (most believably in Platoon) returns to his true aspect as the devil. Laura Dern has entered the game, my friends, and she has not left it yet.

Never Seen: Elephant Man, The Straight Story
Disappointing: Fire Walk With Me
Dune: Dune
It's a great TV show, not a movie: Twin Peaks: EVERY season.