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Monday
Dec212020

UNDISPUTED Ranking of Star Wars Films

People of the Internet: I just saw the hopefully last (but probably not) Star Wars. It's a perfectly fine popcorn movie, a decent sequel to the first new star wars rehash, but completely contemptuous of the improvements in the narrative the Last Jedi attempted. The lack of ambition in these corporate Disneyfied sequels is depressing. Instead of exploring the complex world Lucas built, JJ Abarms chose to simply recycle all the same storylines and villians from the original series. More Death Stars! More Empires and Emperors and dudes that look like Darth Vader! More Skywalkers! Carrie Fisher is dead? Too bad, lets exhume her edited syllable by syllable for a "performance" almost as distracting as CGI Leia. Abrams also completely dropped the ball on the few interesting changes from the first new movie: what if a stormtrooper escaped, what would that character be like? Finn ended up as a complete bore, not to mention his super close relationship with Rose was completely ignored (apparently because it made the Star Wars man-children angry) so they gave him an unnecessary new girlfriend who rides horses in space. To be fair, 10 year old me would've loved it, but that kid is dead.

In sum, the only good new movie was still Rogue One. Here's my FINAL ranking of Star Wars movies:
  1. Empire Strikes Back
  2. Star Wars
  3. Rogue One
  4. The Last Jedi
  5. Revenge of the Jedi
...
Equally good/bad: JJ Abrams Star Wars: The Rehash Vols 1 & 2
...
Just bad: Prequel Star Wars: We discovered CGI but not human dialogue Vols 1-3 ( But the Darth Maul light sabre fight is amazing)


 

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