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Tuesday
Dec222020

Ted Danson Roles, Ranked

People of the Internet, here's the authoritative list of Ted Danson Roles, Ranked

1. Body Heat: It's a small role in a great movie with a lot fireworks, but somehow he's the best part of the movie. After seeing this movie I assumed he was some kind of professional dancer, but turns out they started production during a writer's strike so he had a month to perfect his "improvised" routine. Also, I know nothing about dance.

2. Bored to Death: He's the best part of this show by far. He's almost too good, so good that it makes you want to punch Jason Schwartzman even more than you might normally want to punch Jason Schwartzman. (I like Jason Schwartzman but his face is very punchable)

3. The Good Place: His timing and charm are IM-peccable. Maybe a little too nice for the role.

4. Cheers: He manages to anchor a sit-com without being annoying or a jerk. Think of all the other classic sit-coms of the 80's-00's: Seinfeld, Frasier, How I Met Your Mother, Friends, Everybody Hates Raymond. The leads are almost always intentionally or not-so-intentionally the least interesting and funny parts of the show. Cons: too smart to be an ex-Red Sox player. Later in the show when everything got boring, he becomes too much the audience surrogate nice guy like Alan Alda in MASH.

5. Other stuff. He's good in Fargo, Curb Your Enthusiasm. In theory I'm sure he'd be good in CSI, but why would anyone ever watch that show unless you were in prison and the on/off switch was stuck? Other possible CSI watching scenarios: It's the real life 3rd act of A Clockwork Orange and you're the Alex character tied to a chair with your eyelids forced open and Beethoven cranked up in the background... There's nothing else on TV and you've lost the ability to read or care about life... You're in Hell, etc...

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