UNDISPUTED Ranking of Star Wars Films

People of the Internet: I just saw the hopefully last (but probably not) Star Wars. It's a perfectly fine popcorn movie, a decent sequel to the first new star wars rehash, but completely contemptuous of the improvements in the narrative the Last Jedi attempted. The lack of ambition in these corporate Disneyfied sequels is depressing. Instead of exploring the complex world Lucas built, JJ Abarms chose to simply recycle all the same storylines and villians from the original series. More Death Stars! More Empires and Emperors and dudes that look like Darth Vader! More Skywalkers! Carrie Fisher is dead? Too bad, lets exhume her edited syllable by syllable for a "performance" almost as distracting as CGI Leia. Abrams also completely dropped the ball on the few interesting changes from the first new movie: what if a stormtrooper escaped, what would that character be like? Finn ended up as a complete bore, not to mention his super close relationship with Rose was completely ignored (apparently because it made the Star Wars man-children angry) so they gave him an unnecessary new girlfriend who rides horses in space. To be fair, 10 year old me would've loved it, but that kid is dead.

In sum, the only good new movie was still Rogue One. Here's my FINAL ranking of Star Wars movies:

1. Empire Strikes Back
2. Star Wars
3. Rogue One
4. The Last Jedi
5. Revenge of the Jedi

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Equally good/bad: JJ Abrams Star Wars: The Rehash Vols 1 & 2

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Just bad: Prequel Star Wars: We discovered CGI but not human dialogue Vols 1-3 ( But the Darth Maul light sabre fight is amazing)

Definitive List of Best Movies I Saw from 2019

People of the Face: Hey, I don't want to think about politics today, so here's a top ten list of movies I saw in the 2019 season. It was a great year for cinema.

1. Parasite - Not much more to say about this. The only movie I can think of in the last 10 years that deserved all the Oscars. Peak Hitchcock while going for something deeper.
2. A Marriage Story - Great directing + great acting + human story = Great movie. Heartbreaking without feeling manipulative.
3. Last Black Man in SF - Surreal, unique vision of a complicated story of gentrification that still makes you want to move to San Francisco
4. Portrait of a Lady on FI-RRRREEEUH! I can't remember a better filmed love story in the past decade. From the great opening scene there's a forward momentum that sucks you into the narrative and pulls you through without a wasted scene. The director does a brilliant job of making you feel the growing attraction of the two leads and showing the obstacles they face both in their relationship and daily life as two 18th century women without unnecessary exposition. In fact, there's so little dialogue that you almost don't need the subtitles. The camerawork in this film is about as perfect as can be.
5. Little Women - A great twist on a story told many times before, but never as well as Gerwig did here. Love the Adaptation ending. Florence Pugh /Saoirse Ronan for president
6. Uncut Gems - Butt still clenched
7. Knives Out - Destined to be one of those classics they show on TV ad infinitim. Even better than the movies it was riffing on like Murder on the Orient Express and Sleuth. Jamie Lee Curtis for Secretary of Defense
8. Us - Scary as hell, funny, ambitious, disturbing, might've been ranked higher if I hadn't seen it so long ago.
9. Midsommar - Even if I told you every shocking thing that happens in this movie ahead of time, you'd still be shocked. Some things in this movie hit a little too close to home for me (ritual murder)
10. Rolling Thunder Revue - The musical performances in this alone are worth the price of admission. Compelling evidence that Bob Dylan was a powerhouse performer. Strong Patty Smith and Joanie Mitchell scenes. Bonus: lots of early 70's man on the street Massholes
11. High Flying Bird - A smart, fast-paced, well-written movie centered on the racial politics of sport. Soderbergh shot it with an iphone, but he didn't skimp on cinematography

Honorable mentions: Apollo 11, The Lighthouse, Atlantiques, The Irishman

Not bad/worth seeing: The Dead Don't Die, Jojo Rabbit, 1917, Ad Astra, The Farewell, Hustlers

Definitive List of the Best Movies Filmed in Boston

People of the Face: Here in Boston we're going to be having a lot of time on our hands. Maybe you people would like a definitive list of the best Boston movies to watch during the next few weeks?

1. The Verdict - David Mamet penned, Sidney Lumet directed, starring Paul Newman as one of his best washed-up drunks since Slap Shot (seriously, though, Newman is great here.) Filmed partially in dirty early 80's Southie, the Common, and the State House. The whole thing from script to execution is flawless.

2. Friends of Eddie Coyle: Featuring large schlubbies Robert Mitchum and Peter Boyle and a bunch of other medium-size schlubs as low level criminals getting tangled with the FBI. Shot completely in dirty 70's Boston area, featuring Dedham! including scenes in the Garden with live Bruins footage

3. The Departed - Scorsese directed, featuring a passel of A-lists actors with bad Boston accents except for real local natives Marky Mark (in one of his two or three best performances) and Matt Damon, this movie is great until the final shot which blows enormous chunks over the rest of the movie. Jesus, Mahty. Also, why didn't Marky Mark tell Mahty that not every single person in Boston has to have a strong Boston accent?

4. Good Will Hunting - I mean. Everyone knows this movie. Everyone like those apples. RIP Bow and Arrow. Also, Robin Williams. Look, Casey Affleck has a lot of problems, but he's clearly the best modern actor at playing Boston townies.

5. Between the Lines - Funny, hard to find 70's ensemble movie about a Boston Phoenix like indie paper, filmed in Boston and Cambridge starring Jeff Goldblum, John Heard, Bruno Kirby, Marilu Henner, and Lindsey Crouse. Also, the newspaper office is set in what is now Gallery 263 on Pearl St. in Cambridge and you can see Rick, Brian, and Sam's old place in a few of the shots. In other words, one of the only Hollywood movies that shares a location with the famous webseries: CRSD&T's The Central Square Detective Agency (Episode 2)

Honourable Mentions: Thomas Crown Affair, Mystic River, Spotlight, Gone Baby Gone, Manchester by the Sea (North Shore Extension) Did I miss anything? Kidding, I never miss anything.

These guys love apples

UNDISPUTED Top Five Good Guys Turn Evil Performances

People of the Internet: I've been thinking about "Face in the Crowd" lately, NOT SURE WHY. Off the top of my head, here are the UNDISPUTED top five good guys turn evil performances:

1. Henry Fonda - Once Upon a Time in the West. This one really is undisputed. Holy crap is he scary. Makes you look back at all his other movies and those cold blue eyes become...menacing. Even ol' Abe Lincoln

2. Andy Griffith - Face in the Crowd. Too on the nose right now, I don't even wanna talk about it. If you haven't seen it, you should watch it, but make sure the bathroom is free after. You'll need a long shower with plenty of soap.

3. Tom Cruise - Magnolia. One of my top ten favourite movies. This is Tom Cruise's best role by a country mile. He finally shows the brittle underbelly that's always existed under his too-white smile. The scene where Cruise's character is interviewed by a steely reporter is INTENSE. When is Cruise starring in a Safdie brothers movie?

4. Paul Newman - Hud. When your sociopath is this handsome, can you stay mad at him? And he's half-jewish, too!

5. Kirk Douglas - Out of the Past - All time top five film noir. He plays a dialed down version of his typical heroic chin Kirk Douglas, but, y'know, he's a murderer. He murders people. The best couple in the movie is Robert Mitchum and Douglas.

Honourable Mention: Raymond Burr in Rear Window, Robin Williams in One Hour Photo

David Lynch Films: The Undisputed Rankings

People of the Face: In the midst of quarantine, a gentleman's mind turns to David Lynch, America's greatest independent film maker / weird painter of rotting meat. Below is my undisputed ranking of David Lynch films.

1. Mullholland Drive - I look at this movie as the apotheosis of all Lynch films that came before, synthesized into a nearly perfect gestalt. Is gestalt a word? Oh, crap am I becoming a Joe Rogan pseudo-intellectual? A bit of the Eraserhead abstract existential terror, the thematic coherence and barely hidden corruption beneath the American dream of Blue Velvet, the fractured reality of Lost Highway, the puzzle box aspect of seasons 1,2 Twin Peaks, a hammy Sting in a loincloth. The cowboy. A few of the scariest scenes I've ever seen on film. Don't go behind that dumpster, friends. Club Silencio. This movie is an all-timer, and if you want to shoehorn the images into a coherent narrative, it totally works that way too!

2. Blue Velvet - Rented this movie on VHS tape from Bohn's hardware in downtown Mount Airy, MD, which is the right way to see it the first time. Did I walk around screaming Dennis Hopper's lines at college parties? Maybe, I was very popular. Kyle Maclachlan begins his incredible journey as David Lynch surrogate, the Hardy Boy with a hankering for sado-maschosim. Sets the table for Twin Peaks, one of the most innovative and influential series in the history of TV.

3. Eraserhead - Insidious Kafkaesque imagery. Not really a pick-me-up, I'd say, but will stick with you like a unsettling leech of mystery. The menace in the sound mixing, eventually brought to Twin Peaks, did anyone do that before Lynch?

4. Inland Empire - Every Lynch movie contains existential horror, but this one may be the peak Lynch existential horror flick. Also contains a sitcom of people in rabbit suits? And Laura Dern screaming her head off. Do not watch late at night.

5. Lost Highway - Now feels like a dry run for the structure of Mulholland Drive. Sexy sax player Bill Pullman! whose personality literally fractures the film under the weight of his actions. Patricia Arquette is unforgettable as muse/victim/unstoppable force...to me, anyway, cause I haven't forgotten her and I haven't seen it since it came out.

6. Wild at Heart - Remember back when Nicholas Cage was gonna be the best actor of his generation? Moonstruck, Leaving Las Vegas, Raising Arizona, and this crazy smashed glass version of the Wizard of Oz. Willem Dafoe, the man who played jesus in two movies just before (most believably in Platoon) returns to his true aspect as the devil. Laura Dern has entered the game, my friends, and she has not left it yet.

Never Seen: Elephant Man, The Straight Story
Disappointing: Fire Walk With Me
Dune: Dune
It's a great TV show, not a movie: Twin Peaks: EVERY season.