David Lynch Films: The Undisputed Rankings

People of the Face: In the midst of quarantine, a gentleman's mind turns to David Lynch, America's greatest independent film maker / weird painter of rotting meat. Below is my undisputed ranking of David Lynch films.

1. Mullholland Drive - I look at this movie as the apotheosis of all Lynch films that came before, synthesized into a nearly perfect gestalt. Is gestalt a word? Oh, crap am I becoming a Joe Rogan pseudo-intellectual? A bit of the Eraserhead abstract existential terror, the thematic coherence and barely hidden corruption beneath the American dream of Blue Velvet, the fractured reality of Lost Highway, the puzzle box aspect of seasons 1,2 Twin Peaks, a hammy Sting in a loincloth. The cowboy. A few of the scariest scenes I've ever seen on film. Don't go behind that dumpster, friends. Club Silencio. This movie is an all-timer, and if you want to shoehorn the images into a coherent narrative, it totally works that way too!

2. Blue Velvet - Rented this movie on VHS tape from Bohn's hardware in downtown Mount Airy, MD, which is the right way to see it the first time. Did I walk around screaming Dennis Hopper's lines at college parties? Maybe, I was very popular. Kyle Maclachlan begins his incredible journey as David Lynch surrogate, the Hardy Boy with a hankering for sado-maschosim. Sets the table for Twin Peaks, one of the most innovative and influential series in the history of TV.

3. Eraserhead - Insidious Kafkaesque imagery. Not really a pick-me-up, I'd say, but will stick with you like a unsettling leech of mystery. The menace in the sound mixing, eventually brought to Twin Peaks, did anyone do that before Lynch?

4. Inland Empire - Every Lynch movie contains existential horror, but this one may be the peak Lynch existential horror flick. Also contains a sitcom of people in rabbit suits? And Laura Dern screaming her head off. Do not watch late at night.

5. Lost Highway - Now feels like a dry run for the structure of Mulholland Drive. Sexy sax player Bill Pullman! whose personality literally fractures the film under the weight of his actions. Patricia Arquette is unforgettable as muse/victim/unstoppable force...to me, anyway, cause I haven't forgotten her and I haven't seen it since it came out.

6. Wild at Heart - Remember back when Nicholas Cage was gonna be the best actor of his generation? Moonstruck, Leaving Las Vegas, Raising Arizona, and this crazy smashed glass version of the Wizard of Oz. Willem Dafoe, the man who played jesus in two movies just before (most believably in Platoon) returns to his true aspect as the devil. Laura Dern has entered the game, my friends, and she has not left it yet.

Never Seen: Elephant Man, The Straight Story
Disappointing: Fire Walk With Me
Dune: Dune
It's a great TV show, not a movie: Twin Peaks: EVERY season.

Top 10 Sean Connery Films (non-Bond, non-Jones)

People of the Face: Now that Sean Connery has left us, let's talk about what a singular, arresting presence he was on film. If Sean Connery is in a movie, you’re watching it, right? Doesn’t matter if it’s good or not so good. You want to watch this guy do anything, even if it's some terrible studio film like "Medicine Man" "Finding Forrester" or "Rising Sun" (actually Rising Sun had its moments). Anyway, here's a ranking of my favorite, non-Bond, non-Indiana Jones Connery films. 

1. The Hill - Unblinking Sidney Lumet character study of a man who would not bend, set in an army prison camp in the middle of the desert. Connery's most committed work?
2. Zardoz - Look, they could've spent some more money on special effects, but this movie is one of the best sci-fi films of all time. Lots of interesting subtext/social commentary. John Boorman is a great filmmaker. You couldn't cast Roger Moore in this, friend.
3. The Untouchables - Ok Pal, why the Mohaska?
4. Highlander - I SEE MY CUT HAS IMPROVED YOUR VOICE
5. The Hunt for Red October - Not a deep cut, but it's a great genre piece and the only good Tom Clancy movie. Great cast. Be careful, some of the things in here don't react well to bullets.
6. Anderson Tapes - A middle-weight heist film with middle age Connery and super young Christopher Walken. Why wouldn't you watch it?
7. Marnie - Uh...trigger warning? The psychology in this movie is completely wack. The scary magnetism of Connery's character is not.
8. Time Bandits - Sean Connery cameo as the boy's surrogate dad/ King Agamemnon is the highlight of the movie 
9. The Man Who Would Be King - It's Michael Caine and Sean Connery in a John Huston movie. Look, it's SUPER racist in a "mysteries of the east / savage native" way. If you watch it, be prepared for that.
10. Family Business - For some reason when we were in high school we rented and watched this movie over and over. Is it sappy and do you have to suspend some disbelief to think Connery is the father of super jew Dustin Hoffman and grandfather of Matthew Broderick? Sure. 
11. Name of the Rose - Connery playing his sly, wise elder role. Great book, interesting movie

Honourable Mentions: The Presidio, Robin and Marian, Midnight on the Orient Express, The Rock

The DEFINITIVE Best Albums of 2020

People of the Internet: I listened to new music almost constantly this year once quarantine started because of all the "working from home",  and I was also more conscientious about buying music (Spotify Suckstm), so I decided to put together a DEFINITIVE list of best albums of 2020. Also, here's a Spotify list of new songs that I made as the year went on: 2020 is Gonna Be Different I Swear (Spotify Suckstm)

1. Waxahatchee - Saint Cloud I listened to this album more than any other during quarantine and never got tired of it. That's why. Just a bunch of great, personal songs that are hooky as hell. Not digging this video, though. 
2. Sault -Untitled (Rise) Both of these mysterious Sault albums feel like great film soundtracks. Rise has catchier songs, so it goes first. 
3. Sault - Untitled (Black Is) There's a whole world in this one released as BLM exploded everywhere, music of the moment. 
4. Songhoy - Blues Optimisme - Recently got into this band produced by Matt Sweeney, every song just jumps. I read that they're a Malian protest band, but all I really know is they make great music.            
5. Steve Earle and the Dukes - Ghosts of West Virginia - This guy has come a long way from back when he was just the worst actor on "The Wire". Mr. Earle probably never made a bad album, but this one, made up of songs from the Broadway play, "Coal Country", is especially strong. The songs were built from interviews conducted with miners and families involved in the 2010 Big Branch mine disaster.
6. Ratboys - Printer's Devil They sound like a really good early 90's indie band. Would like to see these guys at the Middle East if bands and the Middle East still exist. (yay) Oh wait, I forgot the Middle East is partially owned by a skeevy douchebag so I won't going there. (boo) But supposedly the owners are selling, so maybe I can go there again. (yay) But they'll almost certainly sell to some souless international developer who'll build a giant condo building, so I won't have a chance. (boo) Maybe I'll see them instead at TT's. (boo) Or Johnny D's (boo) or Great Scott (boo). Sinclair? (yay?) I guess they had a pretty good video budget for this one.
7. Jayhawks - XOXO Look, I still miss Marc Olson's harmonies but I ALSO still like the Jayhawks brand of music. My guess is Olson just got tired of other founding member Gary Louris' rock star persona: flying V guitar, excessive drinking, basketball dunking, "We're an Americana band, Gary, not goddam Aerosmith!" The songs, the hooks, the harmonies on this album are better than say, Jason Isbell, a guy who is a really strong songwriter in a similar vein, but who's sound can be pretty boring (which is why Reunions is not on here). This is near top shelf Jayhawks so it makes my list.
8. Antibalas - FU Chronicles - Afrobeat /Cuban band from NYC that does the thing it does perfectly. I was going to see them for the first time in April 2020 and I'm mad about it.  
9. Neil Young - Homegrown - Neil canned this album in the mid-70's because it was too personal, instead putting out the much bleaker Tonight's the Night, which is also great. I guess 70's Neil thought, "Damn, I'm putting out way too much incredible music so I'll just sit on this till the pandemic of 2020 when probably some dumbass in Cambridge will be looking to blow money on vinyl." A mix of great vintage Neil and 1 or 2 crappy druggie diversions
10. Run the Jewels - RTJ4 Ju$t with Zach De La Rocha is amazing. I wish Rage Against the Machine put out a Trump album, but I guess they did that 25 years ago. The righteous authority in Killer Mike's voice reaches James Earl Jones' heights. Wait a minute, Killer Mike as Darth Vader? Somebody get me Mickey Mouse on the phone! (Killer Mike also had a cameo in the Best Show of 2020, "The Good Lord Bird"...I feel another list coming on)

HONOURABLE MENTIOUNS:

• Phoebe Bridgers - Punisher Could be in the top 10, but she's too popular now so I can't. Sorry, Phoebe.
• Haim - Women in Music Part III Several catchy songs, great videos, whenever you can get PTA to do your videos, you do it.
• Lydia Loveless - Daughter This was a slow-burner. At first listen nothing jumped out, but the songs and the lyrics really grew on me.
• Thao and the Get Down Staydown - Temple Always into her whole icy, intimate vibe
• The Weeknd - Afterhours The only artist on this list to get beat up by Adam Sandler.
• Sturgill Simpson - Cuttin' Grass 1 Sturgill tosses off an album of his songs reworked as bluegrass and it's good
• Chromatics - Closer to Grey Gets the Twin Peaks bump
• Fiona Apple - Fetch the Boltcutters Fiona Apple is an interesting musician and this album is good! I would prefer less of some stuff, like the dolphin noises.
• Porridge Radio - Every Bad A LOT of Dresden Dolls, A little PJ Harvey
• Deep Sea Diver - Impossible Weight Title track with Sharon Van Etten is good rock 'n roll music