People of the Internet, here's the authoritative list of Ted Danson Roles, Ranked
1. Body Heat: It's a small role in a great movie with a lot fireworks, but somehow he's the best part of the movie. After seeing this movie I assumed he was some kind of professional dancer, but turns out they started production during a writer's strike so he had a month to perfect his "improvised" routine. Also, I know nothing about dance.
2. Bored to Death: He's the best part of this show by far. He's almost too good, so good that it makes you want to punch Jason Schwartzman even more than you might normally want to punch Jason Schwartzman. (I like Jason Schwartzman but his face is very punchable)
3. The Good Place: His timing and charm are IM-peccable. Maybe a little too nice for the role.
4. Cheers: He manages to anchor a sit-com without being annoying or a jerk. Think of all the other classic sit-coms of the 80's-00's: Seinfeld, Frasier, How I Met Your Mother, Friends, Everybody Hates Raymond. The leads are almost always intentionally or not-so-intentionally the least interesting and funny parts of the show. Cons: too smart to be an ex-Red Sox player. Later in the show when everything got boring, he becomes too much the audience surrogate nice guy like Alan Alda in MASH.
5. Other stuff. He's good in Fargo, Curb Your Enthusiasm. In theory I'm sure he'd be good in CSI, but why would anyone ever watch that show unless you were in prison and the on/off switch was stuck? Other possible CSI watching scenarios: It's the real life 3rd act of A Clockwork Orange and you're the Alex character tied to a chair with your eyelids forced open and Beethoven cranked up in the background... There's nothing else on TV and you've lost the ability to read or care about life... You're in Hell, etc...
People of the Internet: I hear they released a crappy Queen biopic with a sanitized plot, so instead of talking about a movie I'm not going to see, here's my authoritative list of the top 20 Queen songs, in descending order.
20. Flick of the Wrist - This is a good song 19. Good Company - It's good, and has a life lesson! 18. All Dead - It's good, and sad. 17. Another One Bites the Dust - It's good...if...well, it's good. 16. We Will Rock You/ We are the Champions - They're good, but I'm only counting them as one. Bonus points for the added irony that the once biggest bro rock anthems were really gay anthems. See also: Sacha Baron Cohen as Bruno's "gay TV" sketch on the Ali G show. Also ironic, Sacha Baron Cohen left the Queen biopic because he wanted to make a really raunchy movie with Stephen Frears and the surviving members of Queen didn't. Bad job, Brian May + Roger Taylor 15. It's Late - It's good, and not too late. 14. Somebody to Love - It's really good, but over played. 13. '39 - Good melancholy sci-fi thanks to good doctor of astrophysics and bad movie producer Brian May. 12. You're My Best Friend - Awww 11. Under Pressure - So overplayed I used to hate it, but it's a really good song. I had to wait for David Bowie to die to be able to hear it again. Listen to the isolated vocal tracks from both Freddie Mercury and Bowie and have your mind blown. 10. Seven Seas of Rhye (off Queen II) Great proggy cheese-mythology rock. Don't blame Queen for all the crappy music that tried to imitate this stuff 9. Fat Bottomed Girl - Problematic great song. Bonus points for bicycle bell-ringing. 8. Now I'm Here - Think I'll stay...with this song...around... 7. Don't Stop Me Now - I think this song is hot. That's why I call it Mr. Fahrenheit 6. Crazy Little Thing Called Love - It's crazy how good this song is. 5. Stone Cold Crazy - It's stone cold crazy how good this song is. 4. Brighton Rock - Brian May is God, and not a nativist like Clapton 3. Killer Queen - This is the best Queen song 2. Tie Your Mother Down - This is the best Queen song 1. Bohemian Rhapsody - Look, I didn't really want to put this song first, but whaddya gonna do? This is the best Queen song.
People of the Face: Here are the DEFINITIVE Top Five All Time Best Movie Soundtracks: COMPILATIONS Only*
1. Until the End of the World: REM, Talking Heads, Lou Reed, Elvis Costello, KD Lang, Neneh Cherry, Nick Cave's I'll Love You Till the End of the World is a top 10 great story song.
2. The Harder They Come - If you made a movie about a renegade reggae singer then this is the soundtrack you would have to have. Cheating a little because it's mostly Jimmy Cliff.
4. Repo Man This movie and the Decline of Western Civilization Part I taught me everything I know about 80's L.A. Punk. Great movie, great songs
5. Royal Tenenbaums - The best of the twee Wes Anderson soundtracks: Kinks, Eliot Smith, Nico's These Days, John Lennon, Me and Julio, Clash, Lou again.
Honourable Mention: Jackie Brown, Pulp Fiction, Rushmore, 24 Hour Party People, O Brother Where Art Thou, Inside Llewyn Davis, Pretty in Pink, Zero Effect, Natural Born Killers without the stupid movie dialog, Pump up the Volume
*Rules: 1. No single artist movies: Leaves out all time greats - Superfly, Purple Rain, Hard Days Night, Shaft 2. No performance movies: No Stop Making Sense, The Last Waltz, Woodstock 3. No music docs: No DOA, Muscle Shoals, Buena Vista Social Club
Others: Do The Right Thing - Out because it hinges too much on one great song Baby Driver - not eligible because it feels like he picked the songs first then built great sequences around them to hold together a mediocre film Guardians of the Galaxy- doesn't count because they just made a cheesy, catchy 80's mixtape Big Chill - Boomer nostalgia mixtape
Tuesday, December 22, 2020 at 04:34PM 
